Except For The Part Where It's Not
by HelloOfficer07
Summary: A delightful romp in which Anders Holmvik does it with his friend's gross drug dealer and then everyone goes out for burritos (Karl/Ders, not really slash but also not not slash)


The three to four minutes Ders spends with the Darkness were probably the most beautifully intimate and intensely pleasurable of his life. Finding out that he actually spent that time with Karl throws him, to say the least.

The worst part is he _cannot_ stop thinking about it. He runs like eight stop signs on the way to work the next day and bombs all of the calls he makes because he wasn't lying when he said Karl's fingers smelled great.

Eventually it drives him crazy. He spends so many sleepless nights jerking off trying not to think about Karl's nipple ring in his mouth that he gives up and calls Karl to come over one night when the guys would be out for a while. It had killed him to not go with them to see the biggest pizza in California but sometimes when you're an adult you have to make sacrifices.

"What's up?" Karl says when he shows up at his door in Miami Dolphins short shorts, a ski vest, and mismatched socks. "If you had told me what you needed when you called I could have made sure I had it." Karl starts pulling baggies out of his pockets. "You need some horse anti-depressants?"

"What? No. Shut up." Ders says, halfway to regretting this decision. "I want. I want you."

"I'm here, bro," Karl says, confused, and looks around to double check.

"No," Ders says, "I _want_ you." He throws in a lewd up-and-down to drive the point home and if Karl.s goofy smile is an indication, it works.

"Sweet." Karl says, stepping inside and kicking off his sandals. "I didn't think you would be this chill, Ders. This is quite a welcome surprise."

He steps towards Ders and gets real close like he's gonna kiss him and every atom on Ders' body practically vibrates with nerves until Karl brings their lips together. The tension he's been carrying around for a week and a half bleeds out of him and he clings to Karl, kisses him like he's dying. He's embarrassed somewhere in the back of his mind but he can't help it. His brain is on a constant loop of _fucking finally_ and _more more more_.

Karl's fuzzy wherever Ders tries to touch him and he's rougher than any girl Ders has ever been with but fuck if it doesn't feel good.

"Th-this is a one-time, ah! A one-time thing," Ders hisses as Karl wraps a beautifully capable hand around both of their dicks.

They've been halfway on the floor ever since they tumbled over the back of the couch, and karl shifts until he's mostly on top of Ders.

"Sounds good," Karl hums, guiding Ders' hands to his pierced nipples. "'M just happy we're friends."

Afterwards, Ders ushers Karl out of the house, Frebreezes the entire living room, and sighs. Finally the whole mess of him wanting to have sex with Blake's gross drug dealer is over.

Except for the part where it's not.

It's worse after that. It's like last time where he can't stop thinking about Karl but this time the floodgates have been opened and it's not too crazy to imagine his dick in Karl's mouth – or Karl's dick in his (a though which makes him instantly and painfully hard sitting at his desk at work).

So he waits until Adam and Blake fall asleep and he sneaks into the laundry room to call Karl. "So if I were to suggest a booty call-type of deal…"

Having sex with Karl is unexpectedly awesome. He's enthusiastic and admittedly skilled, focused enough to get the job done while still goofing off, making Ders giggle and then cut it off with a moan. It's the most fun Ders has ever had in bed.

It was weird at first with Karl being so hard and hairy and so obviously a guy but now Ders can't get enough of Karl's scraggly beard scratching the insides of his thighs (or giving him beard burn on his pale little butt when Karl eats his ass).

One day Ders gets drunk, and when he gets drunk he gets sloppy. He's at a terrifying stage in this booty call relationship where all he does is think about Karl so he calls him while the guys are still awake and slurs something along the lines of "Hey, baby. I need to see you. With my wiener".

When Karl gets there he knocks on the front door and says, "Oh, shit. Should I have come in through the window or something?" and Ders just sighs and pulls him through the house, doing an exaggerated tip toe to illustrate the point of sneaking. Adam and Blake are busy crushing up fruit and caffeine pills for some stupid smoothie they're making, so he's pretty sure they don't notice.

Ders has Karl top, moans like a whore, and demands he stay afterwards. "I fucking love you when you're drunk," Karl says and the next morning Ders wakes up with a mouth full of chest hair and Karl's fingers loosely threaded through his own and he lays there for like two hours before he gets up and demands Karl sneak out the window.

So, basically, everything's going great but of course that can't last.

At work the guys are talking about driving down to Fullerton to get burritos so big that two people can't finish them when Blake says "But wait. There's three of us. It needs to be two bros to a bro-rrito."

Adam scrunches up his face and says, "Mmm. You're right. Maybe we can invite Jillian" and there's a second of silence before they burst out laughing.

Then Blake says, "Ders can invite the lady he thinks he's been sneaking around," and Ders' mouth goes dry.

"Yeah," Adam says, "We wanna meet Little Miss Bootycall. Unless you're afraid I'll steal her away." Adam starts flexing his muscles while Ders wonders how hard it would be to climb into the vents and live there forever, but he knows Alice would shoo him out with a broom after like twenty minutes.

"Listen," he says, "No one is going to meet Little Miss Bootycall," and with that, guilt twists inside Ders' gut he and he tries his hardest to ignore it. "Just call someone else." He leaves for a bathroom break, which is really going to be a hyperventilate-in-the-handicapped-stall break, but as he's leaving he hears Blake say, "I guess I can call Karl."

Later that night when Karl shows up at the house, Ders answers the door. Karl leans in close and whispers, "I know you want to be pretty secretive about our relationship but I hope it's cool I'm coming along. I love burritos." And Ders starts to tell him that they're not _in a relationship_ but somewhere along the line Karl placed his hand on the small of his back and Ders started feeling all stupid and fluttery inside.

"Hey, guys!" Blake breezes in and they jump apart. "We all good in the hood?"

"Uh, yes." Ders says. "Hello Karl. It's good to see you again."

"Yes, Anders." Karl says, extending his hand for a shake. "It's not often you and I cross paths."

When their hands touch it feels like a bolt of electricity is shot through Ders' body and he sighs because it's gonna be a long night.

It's a three hour drive to the 24/7 burrito place so they plan to get there a little after midnight. At the gas station twenty minutes outside of town Adam climbs into the back to nap with Blake which forces Karl to sit up front.

The conversation is easy, it usually is, but all Ders wants to do is reach across the center console and grab Karl's hand. Wanting Karl at all was hard enough to admit but at least in the beginning he could tell himself he just wanted sex. That it was purely physical. Now… Now he wants something completely different and he doesn't even know what to do about it. He settles for putting his hands at 10 and 2. Safety first.

He interrupts Karl in a story about trying to give a coyote acid to ask, "What would Blake and Adam think?"

"That I should have just put it on some coyote food instead of trying to catch him?"

"No," Ders says, because he's not talking about that and also Blake and Adam would have dressed up as sexy lady coyotes to try and lure him in or something. "About us. What would they think about us?"

"Oh. I thought you didn't want them to know?" Karl looks honestly confused and it's cute and Ders wants to kiss his stupid face.

"I don't know. I-" and Ders doesn't know how to say what he wants. He wants to not have to sneak around in his own house. He wants to romance Karl because he is a romance master and under the ironic hats and mesh shirts Karl is a great guy who deserves it. He wants to wake up in the morning and have breakfast with Karl and he doesn't want to stop himself from saying "Hey, Karl would like that," every time he sees and CD or TV show or novelty bong that reminds Ders of him.

But he doesn't know how to say all that without sounding-

Adam stirs in the back seat. "How much longer, broskis?"

"About half an hour," Ders says.

Adam promptly falls back asleep and when Ders glances over at Karl his good eye is giving him an appraising look.

When they get to the restaurant and tumble groggily out of the car, Blake says, "So it'll be me and Karl, and Adam and Ders?"

Ders makes an involuntary noise of protest and everybody turns to look at him.

There's only a beat of silence before Karl steps up and says, "Yeah, you wanted to try the vegetarian burrito, right, Anders? And you were worried Adam wouldn't like it, right, Anders?"

"Oh, hell no," Adam says, "I need protein for my big huge awesome muscles." He flexes and everyone ignores him.

"I'd like to try the vegetarian one," Karl says casually and Ders is impressed by how smooth he's being about the whole thing until Karl gives him an exaggerated wink and then a goofy smile. "You mind switching, Blake?"

"Not at all, brother," Blake says affably. He and Adam make their way to the entrance while Ders and Karl hang back.

"Thanks," Ders says, trying and failing to keep his face neutral. He's kind of stupidly happy to be out in public with Karl, not even embarrassed to be with a guy wearing Air Jordans and a Bratz tee shirt.

"If you want them to know, so do I. But if you don't, I don't." Karl says simply, content as ever to just be around Ders. He continues, "Can we please not get a vegetarian burrito, though?"

Karl talks him into a burrito with nachos in it and they sit opposite Adam and Blake as they wait for their food.

Ders doesn't even pay attention to the conversation going on around him. He tries not to think of how he thought his life would go – being an Olympic swimmer, having a smoking hot wife, not sharing a house in Rancho Cucamonga with two other dudes – but he's not bummed out about it tonight. His dad might not think he's successful but he's starting to think he kind of is.

He looks across the booth at the two best friends he's ever had; looks over at this admittedly handsome and definitely sweet guy who's put up with him being a dick about being together for the last two months; and looks down at the burrito the waitress is placing on the table, which is roughly the size of a human baby.

And he's super fucking okay with all of it.

Slowly, he reaches for Karl's hand where it rests on the table and threads their fingers together.

Karl squeezes his hand reassuringly and gives Ders the happiest smile he's ever seen but the guys don't notice until a couple minutes later.

Mouth full of burrito, Blake asks, "Did you guys superglue your hands together?"

"That doesn't even make any sense," Ders says, "I drove here."

"Then what's this all about?" Adam says, motioning to their hands with his fork.

Karl looks at him and mouths 'your call' but Ders just wants to make him smile again so he says, "Me and Karl are dating. Pretty much."

"Well, this explains a lot," Blake says.

"Like why Karl's been climbing in and out of the windows at the house." Adam says.

"And why we've never seen your mystery girl," Blake puts in.

"And who's been dumb enough to sleep with you for all this time," Adam says. "No offence, Karl."

"Offence taken!" Karl says. "Anybody would be lucky to sleep with Ders." He puts his arms around Ders' shoulders (and due to the Shower Every Day Or I'm Not Fucking Touching You rule, it's not even gross).

After sneaking around for so long the contact feels foreign but wonderful. Karl is warm and nice and plants a kiss on Ders' temple before he goes in for another bite.

So Ders snuggles up and keeps eating his burrito, which isn't half bad, and conversation flows easily until they're finished (Karl and Ders manage to eat about half of their and offer up twin apologetic shrugs while Adam finished his and Blakes and is squirming in the booth and moaning about how he's gonna explode).

Blake helps Adam towards the 'vo but Ders hold Karl back. "You've been so patient about all of this. I don't even know how to thank you."

Karl grins and shrugs, "It's no big deal. I've known you for years, man. And I've dug you for just about as long. You're not good with your own emotions. I knew this would take some time, homie."

Ders doesn't even know what to say so he leans forward and kisses Karl, ostensibly huddling in for warmth.

Karl kisses him back thoroughly and they stay like that for a while until Adam leans on the horn and shouts, "I'm basically dying over here, assholes! Come the fuck on!"

They hold hands on the way home and when they get there Ders leads Karl back to his bedroom, in full view of everyone, and they tumble into bed and fall right asleep, happy and full and tangled up in each other.

* * *

written in 2013, found & salvaged within the last week.

good pacing is hard and dumb this is the first thing i've published in 2 years


End file.
